of course you do, i mean who doesn’t want to hear funny stories?
everyone likes funny stories.
except for pedophiles and people who test cosmetics on bunnies.
they don’t like funny stories.
well, actually, they might like funny stories.
but their idea of a funny story might differ greatly from our idea of a funny story.
ok, enough with the funny story prelude.
yesterday i went to do a photo shoot.
end of story.
isn’t that funny?
no, it’s not.
because it’s not the whole story. i was just testing to see if you’re still reading.
ok, so yesterday i went to do a photo shoot at one of manhattan’s 15,421,289 photo studios(‘milk’ studios, in this case, which is ironic given the story).
so i show up at the studio and there’s the normal coterie of people who gather at photo shoots.
stylist, make-up person, magazine people, art director, publicist(all very nice people, by the way, ‘normal coterie’ has no pejorative connotations), and bryan adams.
wait, bryan adams?
as in ‘summer of 69’ bryan addams? and ‘everything i do(i do it for you)’ bryan adams?
yes, that bryan adams.
and he’s not just wandering in from a photo shoot next door to say hello, he’s the photographer and he’s there to take pictures of me.
so we start talking and it turns out that bryan is also a vegan(thus the irony of shooting in ‘milk’ studios. small irony, but irony nonetheless). so we talk about veganism and raw-foods(he’s into raw foods, i have a problem with raw food in that i really, really like spaghetti, and something about a raw-only diet makes me feel like i’m dying of starvation although i recognize that it’s healthy and good and i will make more of an effort to eat more raw foods, really i will, i promise).
i get over my surprise at being shot by bryan adams(who has, by the way, sold about 180 billion records and had a #1 single in the uk for something like 45 years in a row)and we start the photo shoot.
thus far i’m surprised because:
a-bryan adams is my photographer
b-he’s a vegan and now i’m surprised because he’s actually a really good photographer. he’s using a hasselblad with a digital back and he knows what he’s doing and the lighting is great and i have to say that he’s probably one of the best medium format portrait photographers i’ve ever worked with.
lots of us musicians are dilletante photographers, but bryan actually seems to have transcended the realm of dilletante photographer. he’s a really good non-dilletante photographer.
huh, imagine my surprise.
we take a bunch of pictures, and 1/2 way through the photo shoot a tiny little chihuaha runs into the photo studio.
i, being a dog whore, chase the chihuaha and pick it up and start playing with it and the chihuaha ends up being in a whole bunch of the photos.
this chihuaha was tiny. probably the tiniest chihuah i’ve ever encountered.
and friendly, too, not one of those mean-spirited chihuaha’s that hates everything and everyone.
no one likes those chihuaha’s. those chihuaha’s should take personality classes from this tiny chihuaha. he was excellent.
the photo shoot ends and i look at some of the other things that bryan’s been shooting recently. pictures of joss stone and placido domingo and lindsay lohan.
oh, i got some good lindsay lohan gossip. turns out she’s a space alien and is actually a composite creature made out of 50 other tiny creatures, kind of like when the little rascals stand on each others shoulders and pretend to be an adult. she’s really 50 tiny space alien creatures pretending to be human.
it’s true, i heard it from the homeless guy in front of milk studios and he never lies about anything. like the time he told me that the pentagon is really an aquarium for floating reptile brains. he’s never wrong.
ok, that’s my funny story.
or ‘funny stories’ if you factor in the chihuaha and the lindsay lohan gossip.
back to work.
moby
