there was a thread on the boards recently wherein some of you were wondering about my money and what i do with it.
some of you even offered some opinions as to what i do with my money, and i was stunned at just how accurate your guesses were.
prostitutes. cheetos. dwarf porn. etc.
spot-on, actually.
i didn’t know that you all knew me so well. but one thing that you forgot to add was my venture capital fund.
right now i’ve got a lot of outstanding investments.
for example, i’m invested in:
1-a company that has patented wallet technology that will de-odorize currency. that way people won’t have to deal with money that smells funny.
2-the first ever ‘crustacean park’. people can come and look at crustaceans doing tricks and acting wacky. feeding time in the sea anemone tank is a big draw.
3-a better, faster videotape rewinder. i think that this dvd thing is a passing fad, so i’m investing in this machine that will rewind a 90 minute videotape eight seconds faster than a conventional vcr. so all you’d have to do is take your videotape out of your vcr after you’re done watching it and put it in this faster rewinder box and rewind your tape! it’s called ‘be kind, rewind…faster!’.
4-an internet company that specializes in on-line funerals. a lot of time people have to travel great distances to attend funerals. so we thought that we’d simplify the process and let people grieve with loved ones just by clicking a mouse (or track ball). it’s called ‘on-line-death.com’
5-a company that makes fake vegetables out of meat. we know that there are a lot of companies making fake meat products out of vegetable based foods. so we thought that we’d make fake vegetables out of meat. you should try our ‘carrots’ (actually made out of sausage casings and bacon puree). they’re divine. all of the flavour without any of the health benefits of vegetables. and no fiber!
so those are just some of the things that i’m involved with.
i’m also involved with a variety of charitable organizations, like ‘t.s.t.b.f.s.t.v.t.t.p.i.i’ (the society to bring flat screen t.v’s to trailer parks in iowa). but i’ll tell you about those in another update.
4:30 a.m! what the fuck am i still doing up! i have interviews soon!
and as we all know, a tired narcissist is a cranky narcissist.
-moby