it’s so hard…
i’m torn between my christian ideals of pacifism and forgiveness, and my other ideals of vengeance and retribution. i hear of these al qaeda troops holed up in caves in afghanistan and one part of me feels sorry for their strife and suffering and another part of me wants them to die painfully.
god, it’s difficult.
and obviously my difficult ethical considerations are quite arbitrary.
whether i opt for pacifism or retribution is really of no importance to the people who are actually fighting or making the decisions. which is probably good. i, and most of us, are amchair quarterbacks. we’re dilletante legislators. and our opinions might someday carry worth and merit, but for now we’re just shouting our thoughts into the void. which is good. but it bothers me that i would actually be happy if the al qaeda members died painful deaths. that’s wrong of me, right? but i see, from a distance, their anachronistic, hateful, murderous, ignorance and it makes me want to see their demise. but shouldn’t i be more understanding? even though i’ve watched as friends have died at their hands, shouldn’t i be more compassionate?
even as i’ve suffered and as i’ve seen my friends and family suffer at their hands, shouldn’t i be understanding? shouldn’t i try to understand them? but i fear that as i’ve seen thousands of innocent people die because of their twisted ideoligies that i just want to see their influence on the global stage come to an end.
as un-christian as it is to say this, i hate them. i hate all vicious fundamentalists. i hate all people who desire to violently inflict their will upon innocent people.
but i’m ashamed of my hate. but then i’m afraid that if i choose to be compassionate and understanding that i will, on some level, end up being complicit in their (the fundamentalists) violence. and the last thing that i desire is to be complicit in anyones violence.
ugh. this is my dilemma. and maybe i should keep my internal strife to myself.
but these are my updates, and i thought that i should share my thoughts with you.
at the end of the day i just want to see a peaceful end to violent fundamentalism.
i just want to see a world wherein every citizen is free to live as they so desire, so long as their lives and wills don’t compromise anyone elses life or will.
it’s true, i’m naive.
but i’m hopeful.
which is naive…
thanks for listening.
moby