as is true with most big cities, most new yorkers weren’t actually born in nyc (i was, so there).
but at what point does a non-native new yorker actually become a native new yorker?
this question can be asked in just about any big city, and each city will have it’s own specific criteria for determining when a non-native becomes a native.
for nyc i would list the following criteria as being essential for determining that one has become a native new yorker.
a-you have to have carried moving boxes and furniture up a 5 story walk-up at least twice.
b-you have to have gotten into at least two heated arguments with cab drivers who had no idea where they were going.
b2-you had to have had a much better idea of where you were going than the cab driver did.
c-you have to have been annoyed at drunk tourists doing drunk touristy things (peeing under scaffolding, puking on your stoop, honking horns at 3 in the morning, etc).
d-you have to have had sex in a public place (central park, the bathroom at max fish, etc).
e-you have to have been stopped by a tourist and asked for directions and given them 2 different correct ways to get where they’re going.
f-you have to have reminisced about something being cheaper when you first moved to nyc (rent, food, crack, etc).
g-you have to pepper your speech with yiddish, even if your a feklemt schvitzing shiksa, already.
h-you have to have been annoyed and not impressed by a bunch of well known actors shooting a movie on your street.
i-at some point you have to have been on the ‘l’ train at a dangerously late hour.
j-you have to have gone bowling in one of manhattans 3 bowling alleys.
k-you have to be able to tell people about what ‘the ramble’ in central park used to be used for.
l-you have to look up every now and then and be surprised that the world trade center isn’t there anymore.
m-you have to look up every now and then and be glad that the empire state building wasn’t destroyed by terrorists.
n-you have to resent country western singers who made money off of their ‘9-11’ experiences in nashville…
o-you have to be able to explain what at least some of the letters in ‘cbgb & omfug’ stand for
p-you have to be able to name at least 3 broadways.
q-you have to have gotten lost and then found and then lost and then more lost in chinatown.
r-you have to have maliciously snickered at people from out of town trying to hail taxis that are off-duty.
s-you have to be able to know what the different colored lights on the empire state building sometimes signify.
and that’s it for now.
more later.
thanks for reading my annoying list.
moby