have i ever told you about my teeth?
i know, it’s a fascinating subject.
to begin: i have terrible teeth.
they hate me and i hate them.
here’s a brief history of my long life of dental trauma:
1-as a child i had cavities in most of my baby teeth.
2-then the adult teeth came in and more cavities ensued(i’ve had cavities/fillings in 90% of my teeth).
3-then it was time for braces. although before braces the dentists decided that i needed fewer teeth. so they pulled 5 teeth. oh, did i mention that they were only supposed to pull 4? yes. they pulled a wrong tooth and then put it back into it’s bloody hole to see if it would ‘re-grow’. it didn’t, so after 3 days they re-pulled it.
4-braces: 2 years of braces, 2 years of a retainer.
5-wisdom teeth. 4 wisdom teeth pulled at once.
6-more cavities, and then old fillings started falling out and needing to be replaced.
7-root canal 1…it was begun in nyc. then i had a flight to germany and the root canal became infected. very quickly infected. i’ve never experienced such intense pain in my entire life. on an airplane. over the atlantic. what do you do? nothing.
moan. whimper. hit self in head with shoe. got to germany and was whisked to the emergency room where they continued the root canal.
crown from said root canal has fallen off 2 times.
8-then a few months ago i went to get a routine cavity-replacement. they ground the tooth down and exposed the nerve. oh, that’s fun. have you ever had a 400 degree ice pick jammed into your face? that’s kind of what it feels like.
so, another root canal. another crown.
and this crown fell off and i had it reattached but they did it wrong and now i get to go back to the dentist again today and have it re-re-attached.
when/if they invent a robot who can painlessly remove all of my teeth and replace them with cyborg robot teeth i will be a happier man.
so, to recap:
90% of my teeth have fillings i’ve had 9 teeth pulled 2 root canals, both of which had complications
i guess i should stop stuffing my face with candy bars before i go to sleep…
i kid. i actually just swish with a mixture of coca-cola and gravel before i go to bed.
maybe in other ‘blogs'(i hate that word) i’ll describe, in detail, some of my other genetic failings.
moby