the gop(aka republicans)debated again tonight.
wait, in other news: hooray red sox.
i know, i’m a new yorker.
i was born within spitting distance of yankee stadium and i’m happy when the yankees or the mets do well.
but i still get excited when the red sox win, especially when they come from behind(as they’re wont to do).
so, congratulations to the red sox and to red sox fans.
go sox.
or, phonetically, ‘go sawks’.
hopefully it’s not too heretical to be a new yorker who also happily supports the red sox.
if so, mea culpa.
when they won the world series in 2004 it was genuinely amazing.
ok, back to politics.
the republican presidential candidates are trying to out-conservative each other.
which begs the question: what the hell does it mean to be a conservative in 2007?
ok, here’s how i understand conservativism in 2007:
a-you have to believe that jk rowling is a proponent of witchcraft.
b-you have to believe that dinosaurs pulled plows for farmers in ye olde biblical times(you laugh, but creationists actually believe this).
c-you have to believe that life is sacred when it’s in the womb, but that life is cheap if you’re a brown person in or out of america.
d-you have to be incapable of finding any country(including the u.s and a)on a map of the world.
e-you have to believe that saddam hussein had weapons of mass destruction and was responsible for 9-11(even if everyone in the bush administration has said that this isn’t the case).
f-you have to believe in strict ‘constitutionalism’ as long as it applies to the right to bear arms, but you have to use the constitution as toilet paper as it applies to having a free press or freedom of assembly or freedom of speech.
g-you have to be pro-life, but pro-war and pro-death penalty.
h-you have to believe that homosexuality is a sin, even though jesus never talked about it.
i-you have to believe that capitalism is a god given right, even though jesus said it was a sin.
j-you have to believe that ‘supporting the troops’ means keeping them in the middle of a pointless war, and that to actually support the troops and work to bring them home is un-patriotic and cowardly.
k-you have to believe that leaders like gw bush and dick cheney are patriots even though they never served in combat, but leaders like john kerry and max cleland are cowards even though they were both wounded in active duty while serving in vietnam.
l-you have to believe that that people who take illegal drugs are terrible criminals, but rush limbaugh is a patriot even though he was arrested for taking illegal drugs.
m-you have to believe that the ultimate expression of patriotism is subsidizing oil companies who mainly do business with states that sponsor terrorism.
n-you have to believe that it’s better to throw an embryo into the garbage than to use it to further medical research that could help millions of people.
o-you have to believe that even though osama bin laden is a saudi and that the majority of the terrorists who attacked america on 9-11 are saudi’s, that the saudi’s are our friends and allies(cos, well, the saudi’s have long standing personal and business ties with the bush and cheney families, and bush and cheney couldn’t have ties with terrorists, could they?).
p-you have to believe that subsidizing tobacco companies is ok, but taxing tobacco companies to pay for a childrens health bill is wrong.
how am i doing so far?
am i missing anything?
see, no wonder the gop presidential candidates are confused. they’re all bright people, and they know that the contemporary conservative agenda is, well, insane.
ok, maybe it’s not insane. maybe the right wing agenda is just the product of crippling ignorance and fear and provincialism.
in any case the right wing agenda is absurd, and i feel genuinely sorry for intelligent gop leaders who have to profess a belief in dinosaurs pulling plows for biblical farmers and life only being sacred in the womb.
ok, in summation:
congratulations red sox.
and the right wing republican agenda is pure, ignorant, fear-based lunacy.
thanks,
-moby