the holiday with the best acronym.
hopefully not the most appropriate acronym.
i was just walking through the trendy district of soho(‘somewhat horrible’. another abbreviation/acronym) marvelling at the desperate couples battling the cold(minus 3 degrees fahrenheit with wind chill)and the lack of cabs.
i would just like to take this opportunity to provide a tlc(taxi and limousine commission)public service.
ready(he asks pedantically)?
ok, here goes.
on the top of every taxi cab in nyc is a little rectangular box.
when the box is dark that means that the cab is occupied(boo).
when the box is lit up in the middle that means that the cab is available(yay).
when the whole box is lit up that means it’s off duty(boo).
sometimes an off-duty cab will take you where you want to go if it’s convenient for them, otherwise you have to keep looking.
so, if you or someone you know are in nyc trying to get a cab please:
refrain from yelling at cabs that are occupied or off-duty(aforementioned yelling might entertain the natives but it’s a waste of your precious emotional energy, right?).
some other taxi trivia:
98% of nyc taxis can only take 4 passengers. that’s the law. if they take 5 passengers they get a huge fine or lose their job. so don’t try to talk them into taking 5 passengers.
taxis ‘switch over’ from 4pm-5pm. this is the single dumbest thing about life in nyc.
right when people need taxis the most is when most of them are off-duty.
and here’s an observation that i’ve probably made before:
most taxi drivers are awesome. 95% of the time they’re from the middle east or africa and they’re great and helpful and competent.
every now and then you get taxi drivers who are insane and incompetent. it’s best just to grin and bear it. and wear your seat belt.
so here’s the observation:
some cab drivers come from conservative islamic countries where women are 3rd class citizens, jews are seen as the enemy, and homosexuals are put to death.
so imagine how they feel picking up a successful, gay, jewish woman who then tells them where to go?
i sometimes wonder why islamic cab drivers don’t move to oklahoma.
one time i had a cab driver who was just spouting profanities against jews and gays and women the entire time he was driving me. i kind of wanted to pull him aside and say, ‘sir, might you not be happier in a different city, perhaps? new york is a city that is happily run by jews and gays and women.
in fact new yorks character is largely defined by jews and gays and women. wouldn’t you be happier elsewhere?’
ok, that’s all for nyc taxis.
wear your seatbelts.
really. don’t be afraid if you look like a nerd wearing your seatbelt in the back of a taxi.
if you’re in the back of a taxi there’s a 3 inch thick piece of lucite about 18 inches from your face.
you might look like a nerd wearing your seatbelt, but you’ll look like a disfigured freak if you end up hitting the 3 inch thick piece of lucite with your face at 40 miles an hour.
did i mention the fact that it’s cold in nyc?
oh, yes, i guess i did.
g’night.
moby