monkeys.
yes. monkeys. all those different types of monkeys.
my vote is for the humble little spider monkey. they have soft tails that they use like a hand. well, a hand with one digit.
someday i want to have a friend who is a monkey. that would be great. a nice little spider monkey who could paint pictures and fix barbed wire fences and sing to me when i’m tired.
and we could go skateboarding together. and we’d have matching helmets and outfits, just cos it would look so cool. me and my little monkey just skateboarding along with matching outfits and helmets. and we’d never fall down. cos we would have mastered the secrets of gravity. our skateboards would actually be anti-gravity vortices that would keep us suspended above the earth. and one day we would take our anti-grav skateboards and skate through a thunderstorm.
it would be wet, sure.
but it would also be pretty exciting. and then afterwards we would go to meet up with stevie nicks and henry kissinger. and we would ask them if they were comfortable being iconic public figures who are responsible for:
a: some nice druggy pop songs
and
b: the complete destruction of neutral countries like laos and cambodia.
then they would go off on our anti-gravity vortex inducing skateboards and my spider monkey friend and i would throw microwave ovens out of hotel windows and be beligerent to security guards. a sort of pre-emptive beligerence, knowing full well that the security people were just waiting to hit us with their own unique brand of beligerence. ‘security guard beligerence, tm’ and then we would have lunch, cos it’s been a busy day.
and then i would go to sleep. in a bed without tucked in top sheets, for we all know that tucked in top sheets are the work of evil, evil men.
tucked in top sheets were invented by beligerent security guards. i’m sure of it.
moby
