so while i’m on the subject, let’s talk about hotels.
nice places, hotels. clean sheets. etc.
but i, personally would like to see a few basic changes made to the way that hotels comport themselves.
ok, hoteliers take note, i’m going to give you some advice.
make these changes, and make people happy.
1-no tucked in top sheets. no one (well no one that i know of) likes to get into a hotel bed and feel tied down by a tightly tucked in top sheet. in scandanavia and germany they don’t have top sheets. they have duvets (comforters as they’re called in the states). it’s so much more civilized. no slimy bedspreads. no stiff tucked in sheets. just a nice fluffy, warm duvet.
2-why can’t hotel rooms be 100% dark with the shades drawn? a perfect hotel, in my opinion, is one where you can always make it 100% dark if you so choose. i propose that good hotels have light curtains (for people who don’t want complete darkness) and then some sort of device that blocks all daylight from the room. some of us don’t check in until 1 or 2 p.m after a 12 hour flight. we need to sleep. dark rooms would help.
3-exercise rooms. why do they ever close? they should be open 24 hours a day.
4-internet access. 99% of the people staying in hotels want to connect their laptop to a phoneline. hotel rooms should have clear and detailed descriptions on how to do this. especially in europe where every country seems to have its own unique phone system (substitute ‘annoying’ for ‘unique’ if you’ve ever spent 30 minutes trying to get on-line in a european hotel room).
5-pillows. a hotel bed usually has 4 pillows. each pillow should have a different consistency, 2 down, 2 polyester. 2 firm, 2 soft.
6-soundproofing. oftentimes there is construction going on near hotels. waking up to construction sounds is awful. every hotel room should be completely insulated against outside sounds.
7-housekeeping. simple: ‘do not disturb’ means ‘do not disturb’. you’d be surprised how often housekeeping ignores this.
8-a completely stocked mini-bar/service area. a mini-bar should have a million things in it besides just juices and sodas and liquour and beer. condoms, candles, razors, books, socks, underpants, dental floss, etc. none of these things go bad over time. people will use them and pay for them and be happy.
9-non-smoking rooms that really are non-smoking rooms. thank you. checking into a non-smoking room after being awake for 36 hours and finding that it stinks like an ashtray is cause for justifiable homicide (or at least hurling a tv through a window).
10-extensive movie menus. just having ‘training day’ and ‘atlantis’ just means that i’m going to keep my $10.95 to myself. why not have old movies on the menu?
11-bars that stay open late. i’m not a heavy drinker, but my friends who travel alot and are heavy drinkers often complain that hotel bars close way too early. why not stay open and satisfy your paying customers?
ok, i’m done with my list of suggestions. some of you might think that i’m being really nit-picky by offering such seemingly minor suggestions. but i stay in a different hotel room every night. i know, my life is weird. and most of these concerns might seem really minor. but i’m hopeful that some hoteliers might read this and make their hotels better.
in the grand scheme of things it’s pretty inconsequential. but tomorrow when i wake up and there’s housekeeping standing in my living room and when i can hear the pile-drivers in the construction site across the street and when my neck is stiff from shitty pillows, then these things won’t seem inconsequential.
and while we’re at it, how about a water park in the hotel? a little water slide and diving board in the lobby? and a steam room in every bathroom. and massage therapists in every room.
happy endings,
moby
