so what do you do when you’re bored in a hotel room and it’s 4 a.m and you can’t sleep?
well, if you’re me you watch some fine programming on the good old bbc. i ended up watching ‘crash’, which i had never seen before. now being a fan of both david cronenberg and jg ballard i had kind of expected to enjoy this movie.
but, alas, i did not. it was kind of silly. well, insofar as a movie about people who only get turned by car-crashes and wounds and carnage can be silly. but it was kind of silly. although the idea of a very specific and very unconventional fetish is fascinating.
and who knows, maybe it redeems itself towards the end. i wouldn’t know. i have to confess that i got a little bit bored and turned it off and took a shower.
with great water pressure. and hot water for days. one of the nicest perks of being alive in the 21st century: kick ass showers. the first time i came to the uk i stayed in a house that had an electric hot water heater that would, if you were lucky, heat a gallon of water to just above room temperature. needless to say i was pretty stinky during my first trip to the uk.
and then one time when i came to the uk in the early 90’s i stayed in a bed and breakfast that had no heat and no hot water. and thin, brown blankets.
ah, those were the days. sleeping with all of my clothes on and watching my breath crystalize in the air. and then playing at raves at 6 in the morning when people were so out of their heads that they thought i was barney the dinosaur.
yup.
and on my first trip to france i stayed in a hotel room that had about a pound and a half of human hair under the pillows. that was pretty sexy… (note: i’m being facetious when i say ‘that was pretty sexy’. just have to keep things clear here.).
and one time i stayed in a welfare hotel in milwaukee where a drunken knife fight broke out in the room next to mine. or what sounded like a drunken knife fight. certainly a party gone wrong.
and then the time i stayed in a hotel in dallas that had a bathtub full of brown and foul rags and towels, not to mention the obvious semen stains all over the bedspread.
and so on. suffice it to say, i’ve paid my hotel dues. so now when i stay in a decent hotel with good water pressure and no obvious semen stains i’m pretty happy.
and then there was the time where i was staying with a bunch of people in a hotel near boston and i had to ask people to have sex in the bathroom so that i could try to sleep.
and let’s see, what else…sharing a room with a drunk musician who was so drunk that instead of going to the bathroom to pee he just peed off of the side of his bed onto the floor. that was fun to step in in the morning (again, being facetious. it wasn’t fun to step in someone elses pee).
in some ways it’s a wonder that i don’t have phobic reactions when someone even mentions the word ‘hotel’. like i said, i’ve paid my hotel dues.
and i’m a tireder, balder man for it.
-moby
p.s-yes, i know that ‘tireder’ isn’t a real word. but it worked in the context of the sentence, ok? thanks.
p.p.s-and ‘crash’ wasn’t very good, but some of the sex scenes were very, uh, intimate. and ‘dead ringers’ with jeremy irons is still, in my opinion, one of the best movies ever made. but it’s not for the faint of heart. or is it ‘feint of heart’? and how do the new wave band ‘the faint’ spell their name? faint or feint?
p.p.p.s-go to bed, moby.
p.p.p.p.s-ok, i will.
p.p.p.p.p.s-no, really, go to sleep.
p.p.p.p.p.p.s-no, really, i will. see, i’m sending this update right now.
p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s-you’re still here, you liar.
p.p.p.p.p.p.p.p.s-good night.