from the daily show:
with no word from cheney, “the daily show” stands in
dick cheney still hasn’t appeared in public to
discuss his accidental shooting of a 78-year-old man,
but there are plenty of people willing to speak on
the veep’s behalf — among them, comedy central’s rob
corddry. playing the role of a “vice president
firearms mishap analyst,” corddry explained it all
monday night for “daily show” host jon stewart:
stewart: rob, obviously a very unfortunate situation.
how is the vice president handling it?
corddry: jon, tonight the vice president is standing
by his decision to shoot harry whittington. according
to the best intelligence available, there were quail
hidden in the brush. everyone believed at the time
there were quail in the brush. and while the quail
turned out to be a 78-year-old man, even knowing that
today, mr. cheney insists he still would have shot
mr. whittington in the face. he believes the world is
a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout
the entire region of mr. whittington’s face.
stewart: but why, rob? if he had known mr.
whittington was not a bird, why would he still have
shot him?
corddry: jon, in a post-9/11 world, the american
people expect their leaders to be decisive. to not
have shot his friend in the face would have sent a
message to the quail that america is weak.
stewart: that’s horrible.
corddry: look, the mere fact that we’re even talking
about how the vice president drives up with his rich
friends in cars to shoot farm-raised wingless quail-
tards is letting the quail know “how” we’re hunting
them. i’m sure right now those birds are laughing at
us in that little “covey” of theirs.
stewart: i’m not sure birds can laugh, rob.
corddry: well, whatever it is they do — coo —
they’re cooing at us right now, jon, because here we
are talking openly about our plans to hunt them. jig
is up. quails one, america zero.