you’ll never guess what i’m doing!
i’m sitting in my hotel room at 3 a.m, bored and looking at pictures of dogs on the internet.
see, why don’t journalists write about that sort of thing? huh? that’s pretty exciting, isn’t it? wouldn’t you rather read about some lame-ass guy sitting in his hotel room surfing the internet than about some lame-ass guy hanging out with movie stars?
see, the tabloids have it all wrong.
or, perhaps they don’t. it’s boring being me right now. how can i make things a little bit more exciting…let’s see…
i could cover myself with peanut butter and run down the street screaming ‘ive been attacked by giant bees!’
but then i’d have to wash myself pretty well afterwards to make sure that the peanut butter didn’t get lodged in my ears. and i might get arrested. and if i tried to explain to the local constable that ‘i was bored. isn’t that a good reason to cover yourself with peanut butter and run screaming down the street?’
i might go to the hoosegow.
how do you spell ‘hoosegow’?
it’s a funny word. old stoney. the clink. the lock up.
funny words. awful places.
tomorrow i’m scheduled to go to paris for three hours.
yes, that will, assuming that we actually go, be the shortest international trip that i’ve ever made.
we land. go to a tv studio. play a song. go back to the airport. and leave.
and this has nothing to do with jean marie le-pain in my ass being anointed king of france, or whatever happened to him. it’s merely logistics. i’ll still happily visit france even if jean marie le-pew is the new king. although i might ask him to back up his ‘the holocaust never really happened’ statements with some actual documentation. and not just his well-worn copy of ‘the protocols of the elders of zion’.
by the way, for all of you aspiring neo-nazis out there, ‘the protocols of the elders of zion’ was a book of fiction. and only dimwits like le pen and hitler ever mistook it for non-fiction. and it’s bad fiction. it’s bad, virulent, anti-semitic fiction.
ok, on to pleasanter things.
is ‘pleasanter’ a word? or is it a non-word that i’ve just made up and spelled incorrectly. yes, it is possible to mis-spell a word that doesn’t even exist.
and do i write too many updates?
should i play it cool for a while and only write one update a week? absence makes the heart lose weight, etc?
who am i kidding. if i didn’t have my daily updates to write i might have to actually go out and interact with real people. and we all know that’s not going to happen. so daily updates will continue.
moby
p.s-yes, i know that jean mary le-prick isn’t the new french king. i was trying to be funny. you know, humour? humor? good humor? the little guy in the ice cream truck? with the creepy music? father doogal? on the milk float? speed 3? hairy babies?