have i ever told you about all of the time that i’ve spent in the chair?
that would be the dentist chair, to be exact.
it all started a long time ago, when i was young and i discovered sugar.
i started getting cavities in my little baby teeth, and then the trend continued when my adult teeth started coming in.
so let’s get to the numbers…in my life i believe that i’ve had:
16 cavities drilled and filled (and sometimes drilled and filled again).
9 teeth pulled (one incorrectly).
full braces for 2 years.
a retainer for 2 years (look at my teeth now, they suck. 4 years of orthodontistry for nothin’).
a root canal that lasted 5 months.
2 broken crowns.
a root canal that went wrong and landed me in the emergency room in dortmund, germany.
and so on.
in short, i have done my time in the chair.
luckily dentistry has gotten better as i’ve gotten older. when i was young they used to pull teeth by tying one end of a rope to the rotten tooth and the other end to a mule that they would then throw out of the window.
it wasn’t very ethical, but it got the job done.
my dentist now is terriffic, even if he spends most of his time re-doing bad dentistry that was inflicted upon me in my youth.
that’s what we were doing yesterday, repairing broken fillings and cracked teeth.
2 things drive me nuts: people who’ve never had insomnia, and people who have perfect teeth.
if you always sleep well and you have no cavities, consider yourself lucky. i just wish that there was a computerized operation that could replace my natural teeth with super powerful/never-rot cyborg teeth.
i want a mouth full of cyborg teeth. so that i can chew tin cans like a goat.
moby