ok, a minor word of explanation.
oftentimes when i’m signing autographs people will ask me to write their name. and oftentimes i say that i would rather just draw a picture. i have this weird aversion to writing peoples names, and here’s why…
for many years i would travel to places and be asked to sign autographs for people who didn’t speak or write english (more power to them, icertainly don’t expect people to speak or write english, especially if i’m in a place where people don’t speak or write english.)
and i would try to write their names. which 9 times out of 10 proved to be difficult or impossible. to explain i need to indulge in somephonetic dialog.
‘could make autograph for shefflidenhum?’
‘uh, excuse me?’
‘for shefflidenhum (which is probably a very common name for where this person comes from).’
‘um, how do you spell that?’
‘ah, ees, haich, fla, fla, etc etc’
so that’s why i have this phobia about writing peoples names. cos i’ve spent many hours earnestly trying to write peoples names and then having them get upset with me when i can’t spell them.
‘oo, sie, eee, no!, eee!’
i wish that i was fluent in other languages and would thus be able to write peoples names in languages other than english. but i’m an ignorant american, and that’s one of the reasons why i’d rather just draw a picture than try to spellsomeones name. cos as i said, 9 times out of 10 trying to spell someones name when i don’t speak their language and they don’t speak mine ends up as a frustrating exercise in futility. so please don’t be offended if i just draw you a pictureand avoid including your name. and you’d be surprised, even in english, how many different spellings there are of common names.
‘could you make it out to jynnyffer?’
‘ok, j-e-n-n-i-f-e-r’
‘no! jynnyffer!’
give me a common name in english, and i guarantee that i’ve had people ask me to spell it 30 different ways.
amy
aymee
aimee
aymei
aimei
aemee
etc
etc.
for many of these strangely spelled common names i blame hippy parents. and don’t forget, i have first hand experience with a name as given by hippy parents. i mean, ‘moby’?
i applaud the creativity of parents in giving children unconventional names. and hopefully people will now understand my bizarre aversion to writing peoples names.
next time i’ll whine about why i hate shaking hands. and it has nothing to do with disease.
ok, i’ll whine now. most people are normal hand-shakers. and that’s fine.
shake away. but every now and then you come across someone who shakes hands like mike tyson. and i need my hands. without my little hands i can’t do my work. and i have to shake a lot of hands. every journalist. every cameraman. every etc. lots of hands. and 9 times out of 10 it’s fine. but every now and then you get an arnold schwarzzenegger who feels the need to play ‘crush the pop-stars girly little hands’.
i don’t think i have girly little hands. i was just trying to be funny. but that’s why i don’t like to shake peoples hands.
ok, maybe i’m losing the plot. probably. have you ever gone on tour for 36 out of 44 months? it’s quite conducive to losing the plot.
thanks for letting me explain my public figure related aversions.
and green olives. it’s like, ‘hello, who’s in here?’
ok, that’s from spinal tap.
thank you.
moby