a while ago i asked the question: ‘would you like to be a vampire?’
it was a quasi-rhetorical question, in that i assumed that everyone would answer ‘yes, i’d like to be a vampire.’
so maybe i was projecting, because i would happily answer yes.
or, rather, ‘yes’.
the trade-off?
giving up daytime for immortality?
daytime when people do jobs that they hate and eat quick and perfunctory lunches at au bon pain while
distracting themselves with gossip about brad and angelina adopting african babies and posing for red carpet papparazzi?
or, as a nice alternative, nighttime when everything is better?
when brad and angelina and madonna are finally fucking asleep with their arbitrarily adopted children and everyone
else can actually enjoy themselves and forget about selling their souls to whatever god-destroying
company they toil for day in and day out?
i was surprised that, roughly, 97% of the people who responded to:
‘would you rather be a human or a vampire?’
chose ‘human’ over ‘vampire’.
i mean, the tyranny of daytime and the indignities of growing old over the fantasic-ness of being a vampire
and never growing old and only living at night?
i dunno, call me crazy, but vampire-ness seems pretty fantastic compared to lunch at chipotle and fm morning madness
with scared fat guys pontificating on the radio about current events and celebrity despair.
daytime sucks and blows.
daytime is when people do things that are obligatory and perfunctory.
if you say ‘oh, but daytime is when the sun shines on the earth and we do yoga and touch our
spiritual centers’ i might beg to disagree.
or agree, cos, yes, the sun shines and people do yoga.
but there’s no mystery.
i want to open a club called ‘9’, that’s always open til 9 a.m.
my hope is that vampires might somehow adopt this club and maybe, in a fit of vampire
altruism, turn me into a vampire.
might sound dumb to you, but, eh, a boy can dream.
ok, good night.
see, no one even says ‘good day’ anymore.
why?
cos daytime is terrible. categorically.
yes, i’m indulging in hyperbole.
but night-time is categorically better.
just ask the vampires.
moby
