ok, so you’re walking down a fairly empty and desolate street in lower manhattan by yourself at midnight. nothing’s terribly ominous, but the streets are kind of empty(as it’s a tuesday), and a cold wind is blowing in from the west and there’s some rain that’s making this particular empty and desolate street even emptier and more desolate than it normally would be. you’re casually looking into some shop windows and you(or me, as the case was) see this thing:
argh. what is it? have i been voodoo’d? it’s like leatherface from texas chainsaw massacre hybridized with stitch from lilo and stitch (which was a flawless movie, just as an aside).
i mean, in the light of day this creature might just be garden variety creepy. but at midnight or 1 a.m on a completely empty desolate street with cold rain blowing in from the steppes and this is the only thing lit up, well, it’s making me think that it might show up at the foot of my bed tonight, ready to violently feast on my corrupted little soul. my soul might be vaguely impure, but i’m still not in any hurry for this creature from the pit of hell to come and feast on it the way a gently obese person in oklahoma might, say, feast on a sausage egg mcmuffin. my soul might be many things but i’m pretty sure it’s not a sausage egg mcmuffin.
although it might seem as such to this evil creature with it’s sharp, soul-shredding zombie teeth. this would be the perfect christmas/holiday present for the child who is nightmare-challenged and needs to find something under the christmas tree that will give it 3 a.m night terrors. i wonder if it speaks? in a little gravelly sing song voice, sitting in the corner of the bedroom at 2:30 a.m when everyone’s tucked in their beds…’i’m here…’ eesh, scary little zombie monster.